When the letter fell into my hall two weeks ago I immediately opened it.
The letter read,
"Dear Mr ______, it is time for your bi-annual dental check up. Your appointment with _____ is at __.__ on _____"
Two weeks!
Sometimes something strikes me and I felt it then. A fully formed plan; a beautiful project.
Two weeks seemed precisely the right amount of time for the plan to come to fruition and if I avoided talking to other people during this period there would be no way any one could find out and spoil it.
I knew it would require dedication and dedication is what I gave it.
On this first morning I was nervous. I wasn't sure if it would be possible to do it. But through trial and error and perseverance I got there.
I tried several methods preliminarily but I soon found that the best way was to apply the smallest amount of pressure onto the toothpaste tube and then to scrape a ball bearing's worth onto the very end of my toothbrush.
I would then use a sliver of mirror to look at each tooth individually I would start at my upper left third molar. Using tiny rhythmic strokes I would carefully clean the inside of the tooth for 2 minutes, making sure that no part of it was missed. Then I would move onto outer part and repeat the process. The hardest part, of course, was making sure that the next tooth, in this instance the second molar, was untouched. But with concentration and steady hands I could manage to leave the others untouched.
But what of my enemy, saliva? It could spread the tooth paste around which would ruin everything.
I soon realised that if I let my mouth hang open for 15 minutes beforehand and for the duration of the process it would dry out satisfactorily. This caused my jaw to ache chronically but with no effort comes no reward.
Obviously I couldn't leave any toothpaste on the tooth, the consequences of it contaminating neighbouring teeth were far too great.
So I would then take the toothbrush, wash it and dry it. The newly dry toothbrush would then be used to wipe off any excess toothpaste. I would repeat the wiping, washing and drying process three times on the tooth after it had been cleaned to my satisfaction.
After this I would move onto the upper left first molar (of course avoiding the upper left second molar), then the upper left first premolar, then the upper left lateral incisor, moving onto my upper right central incisor, the upper right canine, the upper right second premolar and finally the upper right second molar.
I decided right at the start, for I could hardly change my mind in such matters, that my bottom teeth would be done in the opposite way. So I started on the bottom right lower second molar and continued in a similar manner.
The whole process took 2 hours and was repeated 3 times a day. I impressed even myself with my dedication.
I decided that I would remove anything from my diet that wasn't high in sugar. I began dining exclusively on boiled sweets. I did this for the first week but I soon found my budget dwindling and began eating a pound of granulated sugar a day instead.
Half my teeth have begun to ache nicely.
So today is the day and now I clothe myself in preparation for when the dentist peers into my mouth...
